Search Off The Corner

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

You Dumba$$!!!!!

By John Coston

First things first. To all readers who are fans of rap music, I apologize! I do not have a Kendrick Lamar response verse. I know you were expecting one. But there are more than 1,000 other verses to choose from. On a side note, if it takes some ridiculous words to improve the quality of New York rap, I'm all for it.

I know you're looking at the title of this blog and thinking "Who are you talking to, yourself? Haha!!" In a way, yes I am. I've seen a few posts online where people are asking themselves "What would you say to your 18 year old self if you had the chance?" Well, I thought about it and, in an act of shameless thievery, decided to blog about what I would say to that moron.

Here it goes: What's up fool!?! First off, the only growth spurt you'll be hitting is in your gut so start taking care of yourself now. Second, slow down. There's no need to go after the world in one day. No need to live so reckless. Driving on neighborhood front lawns and pulling your $&?& out on the dance floor is not cool. Well the latter can be but that's not the point!!!

You'll learn that people will appreciate your demeanor and respect your input. Also, slow down on the liquor and weed, meathead. Smoking breakfast is supposed to be a joke, not something to take literally. Get to running. Time yourself. You'll love it as much as I do now. You'll find that a sober life is surprisingly better than you thought..... And don't be so angry at the world over things you can't control. Just chill. Your dad is cooler than you thought, and your sisters do know what they're talking about. Your nephew will still recognize you as the greatest rapper alive!! :)

Finally, embrace your intelligence. There is nothing wrong with being smart. In fact, the degree you wind up pursuing is one of the nerdiest and most challenging. I won't spoil the surprise for you. Just chill, youngin. Everything will be alright. Trust the way, that girl in economics who gave you her number is a stripper!! Enjoy it but not too much because you don't want to have happen what will happen with the Russian woman. Sheesh!!!! Good luck!! Until next time!!


Popular Articles