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Friday, July 19, 2013

My Reaction to The Zimmerman Trial (featuring Music by Melly Mel)

It has been a while since I wrote anything. I have been busy trying to get my life in order. I applied for a masters in science at CW Post. I got into the program to become a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. My focus will be relationship counseling. I have also been actively pursuing a better job, one that will look great on a resume and put money in my pocket that feels great. So that is a little update on my life. Now to get to the writing. This article may completely change how you view me. I realize that and accept it. So here goes...

The last week America has been in an uproar, especially the African-American community. The case of the State of Florida v. George Zimmerman has caused a lot of stress and division. As I look on my Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter I realize that many of the people I care for have vastly different views on this case.  Some people feel it was a case on race and others feel it was self-defense. I have even read that the case should not have been tried because George Zimmerman followed the law to the letter. Everyone has an opinion and it seems everyone has become a lawyer.

To be honest I did not follow the case as closely as many people. I could not. I did not have the heart to do so. My heart was twisted in so many directions regarding this case. I am the mother of an African-American and Hispanic son. My child is only two but, I always fear for his future. As a black mother you do not just have to worry about your child getting good grades, going off to college and living the American dream. You have to worry about so much more.  I wonder how he will fare being raised in a single parent home. Most times children raised in single parent homes face more struggles in lives. I worry if he will engage in nefarious activities and end up in prison. I worry if he will have a child before marriage. I do not believe many mothers from the paler ethnic groups have these same fears while raising their son.
marriage or contract an STD. I worry if he will be bullied. I worry what his sexual orientation will be. I gave him a name that was gender and ethnically ambiguous so that it will make it easier for him to get a job.  The Zimmerman case now has me worried if he is walking down the street on a cold night in a decent neighborhood witha hoodie on, will someone mistake him for a criminal, attack, and shoot him?

Another issue that weighed on my mind is the racial climate of the south. As many of my readers know I went to law school last year in Louisiana. I found out in under a year, that it was not the place for me. The racial tension in the south is thick. I honestly find that both African-American and Caucasian-Americans hold prejudicial stereotypes against one another. I am a woman of mixed race which I found out is only something northerners care about. In the south if your skin is dark your black, that's it. You better know your place and stay in it. So when I read people's statements that this is not a race issue, I recall my own experiences, and I know that is entirely untrue. I also find it laughable that while Zimmerman clearly looks Hispanic, he identifies with being Caucasian. I also see that the whole brown bag test holds true down there. I have had to be in Sanford, Florida many times in my life. I am just glad to only have been passing through that very dark place. I also recall the comments of "Juror B37" She already had her mind made up about how she felt about the young black male walking through a white neighborhood. Her comments came off as Trayvon got what he deserved. I am not sure that is true based off the evidence that was presented. We honestly do not know what actually occurred that night and can only speculate on what led to Trayvon's final moments.

The way Mark O' Mara argued Zimmerman's case was beyond great. I honestly do not see how Zimmerman could have been convicted. He totally threw out the using "Stand Your Ground" as his defense and went with self-defense. The State did a poor job with everything. The Jury selection process showed they did not use any of their nullification powers. The Jury was of six people and a majority Caucasian females. I do not see how that equates to the jury of a Hispanic male in his late 20's peers. They presented evidence in a lackluster manner and did not even ask the real stirring and important questions of the witnesses. A lot of people have apparently enrolled in their nearest law schools in the last month. They think they know how the verdict should have been decided. I feel unless you have sat through 40 hours of 3-7 different actual law classes, and taken a 5 hour exams for said courses for at least a semester, you should really take a seat. Mark O' Mara argued the law in a fashion that Florida State should be proud of. Clearly the gazillion hours he spent in their law libraries and on LexisNexis and WestLaw paid off. I personally find Zimmerman to be a total douche, but I do believe that in this case the law prevailed. I do truly hope that the Martin family can find justice in a civil court or that Attorney General Eric Holder will take a bit more action than confiscating Zimmerman's gun.

 Please enjoy this song about ending gun Violence Directed By Kraze of Industry Muscle and Performed by Melly Mel a Rapper from Long Island, NY.......
Well this me signing of.... Remember all isn't fair in love and war!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mothers Day!

Mother's Day is such a painful holiday for me. I am sure it is for a lot of single mothers. This is the day of the year I realize most how alone I am in raising children.

I know it's a day women are supposed to be celebrated for all the sacrifices they made. We sacrificed our bodies to become mothers, whether we wanted to have a baby or not. I was 15 when I made that sacrifice the first time. I chose to skip planned parenthood and lie in the bed that I made for myself. I made that decision again at 23. The second time not only did I sacrifice my body, I sacrificed my dreams. I knew that having another child and graduating college would be difficult and law school seemed no longer in reach. Choosing to be a single mom you give up so much. Your freedom, your heart, having a complete family one day.

People like to tell me well there is still hope for you Sam. You only have two kids, you have a degree, your smart, and beautiful. Someone is definitely going go snatch you up, you might have to lower your standards though. That's what got me in the situation I am in now, lowering my standards. My standards were so low that the men I have children with, do not even call or text me happy Mother's Day.

The first moved to Arizona while our child was young and recently had another child. The other just likes chasing women so much he has convinced himself our son does not need his mother just him. He will find a replacement and hopefully cut me out.

It is what it is though! I do want to wish the mothers out there who feel lost and unappreciated a happy Mother's Day! I see your value even if no one else does. To the mothers who are loved and revered by their partners and family God bless you and I pray he continues to show you favor. That's all for now.... Remember all isn't fair in love and war.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Crossroads (Girls Love Beyonce - Drake feat. James Fauntleroy)

A few days ago someone sent me this song.  It was like someone smacked me in the face. I am not a huge Drake fan, but sometimes he puts out a track that truly resonates with me. This song made me think about how much I have changed mentally in the last year. I'm sure my friends and family will say I am still the same girl. In my mind, that's where the problem lies. I am not a girl anymore I am woman. I have evolved. Right now I feel as if I am at some kind of crossroads.

I think it's hard for people to rationalize this idea of me a as a woman. It is hard for me to rationalize it. This may have something to do with my age. Someone said to me recently 25 is a confusing age. You are in the middle of young adult and full adult. You still want to party all night but, know you have to clock into work at 9 am. You can no longer spend all your money on popping bottles, because you now have to decide whether your going to start your 401K or a an IRA, if not both. You realize you can't just play the field forever you actually need someone to help you build your empire. Yet most of us are just thinking at 25. Taking baby steps towards maturity because we cannot seem to let the freedom from our youth go. As a matter of fact we are in revolt of letting it go. I do want to hold on to it a little longer I am ashamed to say it. Especially since I am a mother of two, I have a degree, and I work in the corporate office of a well known company.

As of today there are only 30 days left of being 25. I realize I need to use these next few years to make myself a noteworthy person. It's time to make myself a brand and build and empire. I know exactly who I want to be I just don't know how to get there. I took a baby step into law school and then I left. I decided to take a year off. I need to use this year to set the stage for the rest of my life. My initial idea was to just come home and party, but as soon as I got home I went into the shadows. I just focused on getting a job and getting in shape. Once I felt I was in a comfortable place, I started hitting my friends up to revive me. They have all helped me get my motivation back one way or another. I also started making some new friends. People that inspire me and speak life into me. They are little older and definitely wiser.  I also spend a lot more time at home underneath my mom and dad. To some that may be strange, but I feel as if there are things I need to learn from the right now. I have also been trying to find my spirituality. I was raised in the church, but I need to make firm decision on what I really believe. I also would not mind meeting someone to walk the rest of this journey with, trust me another warm body is great to have on a cold night.... I mean that metaphorically by the way!

If you listened to the song, and wondered how it led to me writing an article on life I'll explain. Drake is talking about a woman and we all know life is a bitch! On a serious note though, there is nothing more inspiring then hearing a person in your peer group express what you are going through. He talks about growing up in this song.  He expresses his fear of commitment in relationships, reminisces about the fun of his youth, and talks about how it is time change his thinking. Also the girl he is having the conversation with sounds like the one I used to be. As 25 comes to a close It's time for me to leave that girl behind and become The woman of my dreams.

Time for me to go...Enjoy the track and remember... All isn't fair in love and war!


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