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Sunday, July 28, 2013

A Tiger Can't Change His Stripes: Why Trying to Change a Man is an Epic Fail.

Today I had the pleasure of chatting with one my guy friends from law school.

I asked him, "What is a topic a man wants to read from a woman's perspective?"

He responded with, "Why does a woman always try to change a man?"

My friend said he sees woman trying to change a man. He said he noticed that woman want a guy that does not really exist. They want a smart thug that never went to prison. He has a lot of money,
all the free time in the world, and he never cheats. So what they do is settle for a thug and attempt to change him. Then when he does not change, they cry to everyone about how trifling he is. I could not agree more. I see it everyday. The news-feeds on my social networks are overrun with women complaining about their crappy guy and the poor sap trying to defend himself. I see it in movies and TV shows. Almost every genre of music there is a song about how the guy is a skeezeball and the woman should have known soon as she met him.

With all of these stories why do so many women attempt the impossible? I turned to my Facebook friends for help. I asked them, "Can someone tell me why women try to change or fix a man? I would really like to know... Does it work?"
Here is what they had to say on the matter: 

Laura Lala Kirkland: "Hell no it doesn't work."

Pamela Fierro: "You can't change anyone."

Michael Towns: "People change only when they want to and put the work in other then that nobody can change somebody that don't want to change."

Jamie Helena: "A woman can't change a man because she loves him but a man can change if he loves her.. "

Dexter SpeaksKnowledge: "It shouldn't be about change in the first place, it should be about compromise. You don't go into a relationship thinking what do I have to change about this person, with live its whether or not you accept the person for who they are, which makes them unique. Certain circumstances will reveal issues that require adjustment but please, you and me both know baby girl if you're messing with the right person you live their flaws as much as the positives. It can open up someone's mind to think outside of their comfort zone and try to balance as opposed to dominate someone's personality. Relationships aren't a dictatorship."

Siobhan Ayers: "It took us all a very long time to know you can't change some one, and I don't know if it was ever about changing a person. I think it was more the thought of "they CAN change" and we just hoped we stuck around long enough to see it. A person won't change if they don't want too, which is a whole other lesson we all have to learn the hard way..."

Svetlana Ince: "They are dumb as beans..., you can't and shouldn't want to change ppl and they can only fix or help themselves when they accept they have problems or issues and want help...."
Although this is a small sample of people I think it was great one. The people who commented were all in their mid to late twenties, male and female, and came from various ethnic groups. While this is not a sociological or psychological research project, I think the conclusion is you cannot change a person and it's not even worth attempting.

My personal stance is, I am not an advocate of trying to change someone unless they ask for help. I have also been the one several men have tried to change. I can honestly say I hated every second of it. It took a toll on my self-esteem. I personally like the way I am. I like that I am free-spirit and completely guided by my own desires. I like how I look overall. I am by no means stick thin and I do have a slightly protruding abdomen, but overall I find myself attractive. When a man decided he wanted to change how I dress, my weight, or the way I carry myself, I found that I would get depressed. I feel it was a leading cause of me cheating and looking elsewhere for love. In the beginning I tried to appease the guy because I cared about his feelings, but later I started to feel like I could find someone who wanted me the way I am. If I feel that way, a man must feel that way as well.
The best thing to do is make smarter choices.  Make a list of must have qualities (that are within reason) and do not compromise on that list.Take your time getting to know the person before you give them your heart and/or your panties. If you see things in your relationship you do not like speak up. If the person is willing to change they will. If you see no change, then move on. You may have some lonely days and nights, but its better to be alone than deal with unnecessary drama and heartache.
Well this is me signing off. Remember all isn't fair in love and war.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Home Sweet Home

An original short story by Le Me!!! Remember all isn't fair in love and war.

“Ahh man!” “Not again!” “What time is it?” I look for my phone under a pile of sheets, and there is no sign of it. I see the sunlight peeking through the shades. Damn I slept over. I finally hear Don Omar’s Danza Kuduro coming from my phone. It’s my mother I know she is wondering where I am. I’ll just shoot her a text with some vague story. I am 24 years old. Ever since I moved back home she can’t seem to keep the leash off. I check the time its 6:45 am. “Ugggghhhh!!!” I have to get out of here this just won’t do.

I look at the guy lying next to me. I can barely remember his name or what I’m even doing here. It must not be worth remembering. I look and see what the package looks like that I unwrapped to quickly. He appears to be about 6 feet tall, thin and slightly muscular. His skin tone is pretty ambiguous. It falls somewhere between light skin and dark skin. He has wavy hair, brown eyes, and full soft lips. He is of average looks, not too ugly but not exactly handsome. I call this type the usual. It’s the type that if I was at a bar I frequented, I would say, “Hey bartender, give me the usual!” and he would hand me one of these guys.

This has become the weekend routine. Every weekend for the last few months I’m here with a guy I have no intentions of really getting to know. He is just a guy to pass the time with. Someone to keep me busy during study breaks and moments of monotony. I know I should not be here. Actually I just don’t want to be here. It’s time to go! I just have to figure out how to untangle myself from these legs and arms.

I begin to writhe and wiggle myself free. I have to go potty really bad. He must to because I definitely smelled something funny come from his backdoor region. Now I really have to get out of here. He finally stirs from all my movement and give’s me that “Leaving so soon look?” The stare that always indicates he wants another round of whatever hot and sweaty fiasco we got ourselves into the night before. That’s the moment I realize he drove.

I rack my brain for this weeks excuse. He already knows my son is at his fathers. What’s a good one? Here we go! “ I have a job interview at 10 am. I better hurry home sorry.” I give him the cutie and pouty I’m sorry lip.

He says, “It’s ok sweetie there is always next time!” I giggle and smile knowing good and damn well there will never be a next time. He stands and gets dressed. I look at his abdomen and watch the v-shape lead to the place all women wonder about when we first meet a man. Maybe there will be a next time. Damn he just caught me staring. I look away as fast as I can.

We hop into his ridiculously sub-par whip. He starts to ask me my plans for the week. I give him the basics. I have to study spend time with the kids and so on and so forth. He asks if I can squeeze him in my busy schedule. I hit him with a sexy grin and a maybe. He pulls up to my crib. I kiss him on the cheek goodbye. I really wanted to give him a handshake but the ice queen role was so 2008. I get out of the car and walk to the door. He is already gone before I get the key out. I guess chivalry really is dead.

I walk inside and smell that familiar aroma of my home. I strip my clothes off and hop under my covers. My door opens slightly and my slinky tabby cat hops on my bed next to me. I have a few more hours until little man comes home. It’s 9 am and my phone starts buzzing back to back. It’s him and all the others. Asking me the same question in various forms. All starting with words like baby girl, light skin, and sexy. They all feel entitled in some way I guess. I make tentative dates with each one all the while planning to cancel the day of. I just don’t feel like leaving the comfort of my home sweet home.


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